Hi I am Amber Snider, this is my blog. I haven't posted in quite some time. I am feeling the need to vent a little though.
I am a family woman with a husband and young daughter. I am singer-songwriter, too. I am a friendly person with a strong social media presence. The problem I am having is that I accepted a few people's "friend" requests on Facebook and shortly thereafter I was sent a pornographic picture through Facebook messenger. I blocked the person right away. I didn't know them. How rude.
But when I posted about it someone told me that they knew of someone who was hacked and then porn pictures were sent from their account to their friends. They had no knowledge as it didn't show on their history. So my question is why are people doing this? What is the point? How am I to know if the person I blocked was hacked then porn was sent via their account without their knowledge or if they are just indeed a creepy perve? How could I know? How would I know if someone is doing this to my account?
It's just a strange world we live in. When I was young I would never have imagined the types of problems I would run into later in my life. Mysterious social porn messages are just the "tip" of the iceberg. Pun intended.
I sometimes wish I could go back to when I was a kid, a simpler time. Then I remember that when I was a kid, it wasn't a simple time at all. There were a lot of complex situations that a kid should never be involved in. Now as an adult who's well past my childhood, I'm finding that I am yearning for simple things. I'm looking inward to find that what I thought I wanted my whole life, I may not want at all.
I use to want to be famous. I use to want a Grammy, an academy award, to make films, be an amazing painter, poet, singer, dancer... I use to want to do it all and do it all extremely well. When you're young you really think you can. You have endless energy and drive with just the right amount of bravado and that's a winning combo. You think everything is so simple. And when you are young it really is. Then slowly experience shows that the reality of just how much work it actually takes to do one thing, just one thing, extremely well becomes paralyzing. When you realize that every magical "thing" that you want to do and be is each a separate labarinth that you can get lost in and consumed without any guarantee of obtaining the prize. Ok maybe that's a bit dramatic. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm on the minutiae hamster wheel lately without really getting anything substantial done. Back to basics.
I played for some lovely older folks at a retirement home yesterday and that was good for my soul. I played Johnny Cash, Elvis, Patsy Cline... also some Irish tunes since it was St. Patrick's Day. One man kept breaking into song. It was hilarious. Some people rolled their eyes while others rooted him on. I fell into the latter group. He knew so many traditional Irish tunes I was convinced he was from Ireland.
Setting up was funny too. Usually I arrive 30 minutes early to set up and then they trickle in to their seats. This time they were all sitting there waiting when I got there. So I set up quickly while they all stared at me in silence. I requested that some music be turned on in the background, after all it was a party. I wonder what they were thinking? I dressed up nicer than usual with my hair and makeup all done up. I even wore a dress. I wondered if they were remembering what it was like to be my age and be able to go home for dinner or drive a car or just walk around unassisted. Simple things I take for granted every day. I wondered if I reminded them if someone they know or someone they use to know. In any case they stared at me in silence. I just set up my guitar and mic, business as usual. I didn't talk much beyond a brief hello until I was all plugged in and ready for action. I started early because, why not? I told them it had been a couple of years since I had been there and someone shouted "yes it has". I explained that I took a break and had a baby. Silence. Ok, time to begin.
They were very appreciative as always. A bunch of sweethearts. I loved hearing them sing along to the songs. When it was over they were rolled / assisted off to diner. One lady told me she didn't live there but needed to find a restroom, she told me she could walk there. Turns out she did live there and couldn't walk very well at all. Luckily someone came to help her just in time. Before anything bad happened.
One time I played there and an exuberant old woman was so into the music that she made a grand dancer's entrance down the staircase which went fine until she reached the bottom and tried a full twirl on the floor in front of me then slipped and fell. It was really hard to watch. She was ok but a little embarrassed. Probably a bit bruised the next day as well. I learned that it's best to know your limits in that case. I also learned what kind of old lady I'd become one day.
So maybe it does take a lot to do a little these days. Even with all the high tech tools and gadgets we have. Maybe half of the time all that extra work doesn't even seem worth it. To be a successful singer-songwriter, to make great music videos, to make great recordings... Maybe I've grown complacent in my "older" age and would rather just take it easy, relax, enjoy my family, at least right now. After all if I have an endless array of labyrinths to choose from, I better choose wisely. Otherwise I could end up being lost for a very long time then one day look up and my daughter will be going off to college and I won't know what happened to my little girl. Funny how motherhood has changed me. I want time to stand still. I want to soak in each moment. I don't want to become the old lady who breaks a hip trying to dance a jig for a very, very, very long time.